Category Archives: Meetings for Listening

From our “Life” page: Meetings for Listening (also called “threshing sessions”) may be called when we have particularly deep or difficult issues to address. Our experience has shown that the deep and respectful listening we do in these meetings helps us find a basis for unity and moving forward. To help facilitate that listening, no decisions are made at these meetings, but the listening we do helps inform discussions in our business meetings.

Threshing Session on Youth Safety, 3/2006

Child Safety Threshing Session/Ad Hoc Committee Formed

The threshing session was held in good order on March 26, 2006. Notes from the session will be sent out to the Meeting email list for review. Friends attending the session generally supported the idea of having a child safety policy. An ad hoc committee was appointed to write a draft of the Meeting’s policy on child safety taking into account the thoughts shared at the threshing session, as well as all other information that has been gathered by the meeting on this topic. Other Friends are invited to participate on the committee. This will be announced in the Silent Announcements.  (from 4/2/2006 minutes)

Threshing Session on Child Safety, 3/26/2006

Child safety is a topic that has been difficult for us to talk about as a meeting. Continue reading Threshing Session on Youth Safety, 3/2006

Threshing Session on Making Financial Contributions

October 23, 2005

Topic:  Whether or not Patapsco Friends Meeting should make financial contributions

Fourteen Friends were in attendance.  A couple of people left without speaking.

Questions:

A.    Should (or Why should) the Meeting support any Quaker or non-Quaker organizations, financially or otherwise?
B.    Reasons for the Meeting to make financial contributions to outside organizations/Reasons for the Meeting not to make financial contributions to outside organizations?

There was some discussion that the questions were not the right questions.  However, the session proceeded with people responding as they felt led.

Responses:

1.    Wardell:  The Meeting should not financially support other organizations.  Individuals should make individual contributions to organizations.

2.    Ken:  It is important to make distinctions between three situations:
a.    Giving money to an organization because we want to support that organizations’ work;
b.    Responding financially to an organization that is already giving the Meeting something;
c.    Responding to an organization in which we as a Meeting are already participating in.
Ken feels sympathetic not to give money in the instance of (a) above.  But he thinks there may be an issue of integrity in responding to the other two instances.  The FGC is one example of this.  It provided materials to us.  The Yearly Meeting is another example, and in one way, we don’t have to deal with that issue because by deciding to be part of the Yearly Meeting, we necessarily have decided to be a part of the apportionment process.  IAF is another example.  If we as a Meeting embrace the IAF process and efforts, then we should contribute.
Also, we need to distinguish between individual discernment and collective discernment.   Ken has considered how helpful it would be to leave his money to the Patapsco Friends Meeting so that through the discernment of the group, they could decide what to do with it!

3.    Sam:  If you participate in an organization, you don’t necessarily give money.  There is a tradition in religious groups to support each other.  It is important for the Meeting to participate in the local county.  Taking the IAF as an example, it is just a nominal amount to participate and Sam supports the idea of our Meeting doing that.

4.    Bob:  Career has been spent in non-profits.  A big piece of that is raising money.  Sometimes you can barely manage the organization on the money you have.  There is a concept of Free Ridership (like National Public Radio).  Occasionally, there are non-profit Quaker organizations that will need some expenses covered to carry out their mission and these one time situations merit consideration.  Patapsco should give in the name of Patapsco to give support.  By doing so, in a way we are getting out name out to the community as a form of outreach.  Some outside groups get money by charging for things.  FCNL is an example of this.  When they have their general meeting, they charge for attendance.  And the payment of this – which the Meeting covered for him –  is really a contribution to the FCNL.  The same is true for Pendle Hill events.  You can make some distinctions between this kind of contribution, in which you are also paying from some goods/services, and the kind of contribution which is completely a contribution.  But the two are actually very similar.

5.    Ramona:  Has worked for non-profits in the past and is aware that when contributions are received, they are more than just money.  They represent a message of approval and support – an outreached hand saying “yes” to what that organization does, and expressing appreciation for the efforts of that organization.  If it’s just the money, then it doesn’t matter whether it’s from individuals or groups.  But it is more than just the money or the amount of money – it is a symbol of support – and therefore, it is important for Patapsco to give contributions to show its support as a Meeting for certain causes or organizations.  Patapsco is more than a collection of individuals.  It is an entity and as an entity it should be heard from.

6.    Jim:  Experience on the Sandy Spring Peace Committee in this regard had a strong effect.  The Peace Committee had a budget for contributions to outside organizations.  They didn’t really know why there were giving particular amounts to particular organizations.  And the people in the Meeting didn’t know to whom the money was going.  It was a rote action.  The Peace Committee proposed to the Sandy Spring Meeting to have a threshing session on what the Peace Committee should fund, and that proposal was rejected and was termed inappropriate.  Jim has great misgivings about back room decisions about where the money goes.  On the other hand, he wants to support members of the Meeting in their leadings.  If individuals feel that working for organizations is part of their path, this issue should be brought to the Meeting as a whole so they can benefit from the discernment.   But if our motivation to support organizations doing good work is not spiritually based, then this is not good.  Also, the Meeting shouldn’t be a pass through organization.  As an example of this, people shouldn’t give contributions to the Meeting earmarked for the FCNL, thus getting a tax deduction (FCNL is not a non-profit since it lobbies) and then expect the Meeting to pass those contributions along to the FCNL.  This is not what Quakers are about.
What does it mean to give a gift?  We don’t attach an expected result when we give a gift.  We aren’t making gifts to organizations, but rather we are making contributions to organizations for following a particular program.  There are organizations to which we all want to say, “Yes.”  Some organizations though don’t really need the money.  They don’t need for the Meeting to say “yes” to those organizations.  There is a great deal of divisiveness for a spiritual body to make a financial decision.  When we had this discussion before, one of the conclusions was to have a three ring binder for individuals to collect info in about organizations that other people can be helped to decide on individual contributions.  This wasn’t carried out, but it was a good idea.

7.  Rosemary:  Managed non-profits for most of career.  There is a feeling of support for the work when contributions received.  Most of the time, they were underfunded.  Outside support was more than the money.  In this kind of Quaker setting, there would need to be criteria and a process for contributions.  Would be interested in an open meeting for decisions to be made.  If we could design a procedure that the Meeting could support, Rosemary would support the Meeting making contributions.

8. Sherri:  Our Meeting has been talking about this topic for a long time.  She has worked in non-profits for many years, and grew up in a family without much money.  Has difficulty with the position that if we don’t participate actively in an organization that it’s meaningless to give a contribution.  Money is extremely valued for itself.  It is what pays the bills.  She is uncomfortable with withholding money when funds are needed, if we can’t give assistance and help as well.  Would support the Meeting corporately giving contributions.  When we withhold contributions, this says something about our Meeting.

9. John Farrell:  (sent via email)  I generally concur with the idea that as a meeting we don’t need to contribute money to outside organizations.  I believe it is important that we be aware of various organizations which provide services which we as Quakers support.  Accordingly, we have tried to provide periodic presentations from a variety of organizations so we at Patapsco Friends might be informed and more able to make contributions which we, as individuals, might find appropriate.
My concern about contributions to outside organizations focuses on the term ‘outside’.  I don’t consider other Quaker organizations which are working to support our professed values as Quakers, which are supported by BYM of which we are a part and contribute to financially, to be ‘outside’ organizations.  When the P&SJ Committee supported allocating part of our committee budget by sending AFCS $75.00 to co-sponsor the Eyes Wide Open exhibit, this decision was not supported by PFM.  Clearly, when we act as a committee we speak for Patapsco Friends Meeting.
I believe committees within PFM ought be to able to make special contributions in support of programs offered by fellow Quaker  groups with BYM.

10. Terry:  A few points:
a.  As a Meeting, we should not be wedded to a particular group or organization.  There needs to be ample accountability and visibility.  This shouldn’t be done out of habit.  We shouldn’t limit the number of groups.
b.  We can encourage personal giving.  People can give in the name of the Meeting.
c.  With regard to the idea of the list that Jim mentioned, Terry started to put together a draft of a list of groups, and this will be continued.  This can tie the individual giving to the Meeting as a whole.

11.  J…:  Has tremendously mixed feelings on this issue.  On the one hand, wants to support groups.  On the other, is not sure what process to decide this could work.  Isn’t clear whether such requests or proposals would come to the Meeting or to another group.  Thinks decisions need to be made by a broad group.  Doesn’t want the business meeting to be bogged down in a lot of controversy.  Wonders what process there could be to resolve this issue.  One thing she likes about the Meeting is that we are a small budget Meeting.  If we were to start making contributions to other organizations, it would mean more money to come into the Meeting and she is not sure that she wants that.  We don’t have a bunch of money hanging around.  We can also give time contributions rather than money contributions.  Monetary contributions are not the only way.  We need procedures that would work re: money without causing divisiveness.  It may not be worth it to discuss money issues.

12.  Susan:  It is a question of honoring our time.  Agrees with Wardell that it is individuals who give money.  It can be through the Meeting or we can give it directly, but it’s really individuals either way.  Possibly we could give as a Meeting if we could develop procedures and if we could decide who to give it to.  Being able to meet our budget would depend on some people giving money.  Sandy Spring had a significant budget for the Peace Committee to give money.  When it comes to maintenance, we need to give money for that.  Or, if we say we can’t meet our budget item for contributions if we don’t have money, there is a real problem with that.  It is hard to figure out what worthy causes to support.  It is a very important exercise for each person to do.  One Meeting got a big amount of money.  You can bet that they are having long long sessions trying to figure out what to do with it.  We can’t turn this responsibility over to the Meeting.  Susan really doesn’t understand the distinction between the individual and the entity.  If as a Meeting we sat and threshed and came to unity – this wouldn’t have anything to do with spiritual leadings.  And, this is not an issue of withholding money.  We don’t have money we are withholding.

13.  Ken:  The Development person for FGC has a new title:  Associate Secretary for Development and Interpretation.  Laboring in a business meeting over money is a teachable moment.  There is a benefit in learning about what the organization is trying to do – there is value in that.

14  John Buck (emailed to the clerk, but not read at the threshing session)  I would greatly appreciate it if the Meeting would contribute to selected organizations. The responsibility to select those organizations should be assigned to a present or newly formed committee. The organizations selected should be those that, in the judgment of the committee, reflect the values and concerns of the Meeting. My reasons are that (1) I think that the Meeting should make statements as a Meeting, (2) I might choose to make contributions to those organizations above and beyond what the Meeting makes and would benefit by someone else having vetted them first, and (3) I willingly delegate such decisions to a duly formed committee and do not feel that the decisions need to come before business meeting for approval.

15.  Doris Rausch (emailed to the clerk, but not read at the threshing session)  I agree with John that we do not NEED to contribute money to outside organizations.  However, if any outside organization has goals which we as Quakers could support, I see no reason why we, as a matter of principle, should not.

Threshing Session on Becoming a Monthly Meeting

First Day-April 21, 2002

Patapsco Preparative Meeting’s Threshing Session on Becoming a Monthly Meeting

(ad hoc Monthly Meeting Committee clerk Ken Stockbridge, Sherri Morgan, Johanna D., Bob Rhudy recording.)

Eleven persons participated in the threshing session, which began at 12:15 pm following the rise of meeting and simple meal.

The queries concerning the spiritual aspects of whether Patapsco Preparative Meeting should become a Monthly Meeting are attached. Ken Stockbridge described the purposes of the threshing session as to gain clarity and to listen to each other. He stated that this is not a decision session. The committee will prepare a minute to present to the business meeting next Sunday pursuant to the responses and leadings presented in this threshing session. He encouraged attenders to be brief, and urged persons to try to speak from their personal experience. He urged presenters to leave space between responses, and wait to be recognized. The recorder will take notes, and will be allowed sufficient time to do so. Attenders were encouraged to speak once, or wait for a second opportunity after everyone has had a chance to speak; to speak to such or all of the queries as they wish; and to read the queries, settle into silence, and speak as led when recognized. Ken indicated that the sub-queries under query number 1 were meant to be mind joggers. He then read the queries, and following a brief silence, responses were raised.

Responses to the queries were expressed as follows:

1. I feel clear about becoming a Monthly Meeting . I feel that we are already, that the pieces are in place, the base is in place, identity is in place; and feel this meeting as a center for our spiritual journey. The change from preparative to Monthly Meeting would be subtle, and would extend our roots a little deeper, and help make the tree a little stronger. I accept responsibility to help maintain the meeting. I feel a sense of accomplishment in what we have done in trying again to establish a meeting in Howard County following two previous efforts, and a sense of celebration that we are at this point.

2. The Friend before me speaks my mind. I also feel clear about our readiness to become a Monthly Meeting . I feel a sense of fulfillment. I would like to be among the first to have my name enrolled as transferring membership from Sandy Spring to the Patapsco Monthly Meeting . I expect and will accept some increase in responsibilities, but do not expect the increase to be too onerous. There may be a couple of changes we may need to anticipate and address: (1) There may not be as much access to financial assistance for our youth to attend Quaker Summer Camp, and our meeting will need to look to ourselves to assist in meeting the cost for our children to have this camp experience, which can be pivotal to some children in their Quaker development. (2) The Sandy Spring newsletter encourages attendance at preparative meetings; and we hope that it will continue to encourage its readership to consider attendance at our Monthly Meeting . We have members who have an affiliation with Sandy Spring, but I believe that we have managed our transition in such a manner that has helped them emotionally transfer over their spiritual affiliation. I would want to be organized under the care of the Baltimore Yearly Meeting. It is important to maintain our participation and affiliation with our other similar meetings with shared identification, experience, and support.

3. I agree and am clear that our becoming a Monthly Meeting is a reflection of what we are. It reflects and acknowledges that this is our spiritual home; and that while I may visit other meetings, this is where my spiritual home resides and where I expect to return. I wish to accept that reality and to be named for what we are. I am willing to accept the increased responsibility for the maintenance of our Monthly Meeting , but suggest that we need to be accepting of the different levels of participation and responsibility our members and attenders are able to offer depending upon their needs, leadings, and circumstances. I wish for our Monthly Meeting to be under the care of the Baltimore Yearly Meeting.

4. I agree that we are ready to become a Monthly Meeting . I am not convinced that this will engender only a little more work for our meeting. We could be over-whelmed if we become very involved in the wider community, but this is a risk worth taking. The decision to open ourselves to this wider community is an important one. I don’t know where this decision will lead, but it could be an opening experience.

5. I am not aware of what large differences there will be in going from a preparative to a Monthly Meeting . There may be some from a symbolic perspective, and it could represent a milestone, or a symbol of progress. In terms of practical differences, however, I don’t know one way or another.

6. I am clear that we are ready to become a Monthly Meeting . I am the newest person here, but it seems like we are ready to become a monthly. I identify this as the group that I would like to become a member of, and I do not have such feelings about Sandy Spring. It feels big, and I identify with this meeting and I want to become a member here. I would like to become a Quaker, but I don’t know if I am worthy yet, but it would be at Patapsco. I would like us to be under the care of the Baltimore Yearly Meeting. I believe that an essential part of being a Quaker is being part of a community, and this is our community.

7. I am perfectly clear that we are a Monthly Meeting . This is an outward recognition of a spiritual truth, just as my joining Sandy Spring was previously. From the very beginning, I was welcomed and accepted by attenders in the meetings I attended as a Quaker—I was recognized as a Quaker before I recognized it myself. I feel the same way about our recognizing and accepting the reality that we are a Monthly Meeting . I want us to come under the care of the Baltimore Yearly Meeting, Friends General Conference, FUM, Friends Committee on Consultation—i.e., our being involved with all these meetings grounded in Quakers around the world is very important. I am grounded in this meeting. This gives me greatest confidence in venturing out into other Quaker bodies and meetings and places. I am very happy that we are at this point. We are no longer a “new meeting,” but it is appropriate that we be a new Monthly Meeting . As my other Friend has stated at a previous time, I hope that we will always be a “New Meeting.”

8. Other Friends have spoken my mind, and I have little to add. I will affirm that our becoming a Monthly Meeting recognizes a reality that already exists. I believe that very little would change, that it would be barely noticeable. I have previously said that it would hardly matter. In some places such as England, meetings are preparative for hundreds of years. There was a preparative meeting previously in Howard County for 120 years. I would want to be under the care of the Baltimore Yearly Meeting, which underscores the essential inter-connectedness of the Society of Friends. I feel that I am a member of the Society of Friends, even though I am not a member. I have not joined previously because I do not feel like a member of the Sandy Spring Meeting. One reason that I have not joined is that I have not felt that being a member mattered, but I feel that others may feel it does matter. I believe that becoming a Monthly Meeting can help people with their spiritual journey. Being a preparative meeting under Sandy Spring has provided us with a safety net. We haven’t used or needed the safety net, but there is a psychological value in saying we don’t need the safety net, deepening our commitment to Patapsco. I will encourage our minute asking for Monthly Meeting status to express our deep gratitude to Sandy Spring for their support to our preparative meeting, and that we release them from their responsibilities to us by becoming a Monthly Meeting . I feel that we ought to release them from that responsibility.

9. In the last year we have been recognized as a Monthly Meeting by other Monthly Meeting s such as Sandy Spring and other Monthly Meeting s who attended quarterly meeting here. They have affirmed us as acting as and being ready to be a Monthly Meeting .

10. Elaborating on the work that might accrue to becoming a Monthly Meeting , I am somewhat excited about the work. It is a part of the spiritual journey of our meeting. Many meetings have something called a “Manual of Procedure,” a document of the spiritual journey of the community regarding how it needs to be expressed as a community. Developing a “Manual of Procedure” is not easy, but being a Quaker is not easy.

The threshing session concluded at approximately 1:30 p.m.

Queries for Threshing Session on Becoming a Monthly Meeting

4th Month, 21st day, 2002

  1. Do I have clearness about Patapsco becoming a Monthly Meeting ? Why or why not?
  • How would my experience of Quaker meeting be affected if Patapsco becomes a Monthly Meeting ?
  • How would my perspective on membership in Quaker meeting be affected if Patapsco became a Monthly Meeting ?
  • What would I look forward to if Patapsco were to become a Monthly Meeting ?
  • What is required for me to have clearness in reaching a decision about becoming a Monthly Meeting ?
  1. How can Patapsco becoming a Monthly Meeting aid or hinder seekers on their spiritual journey?
  2. Am I willing to accept the increased responsibilities that may be required of me if we become a Monthly Meeting ?
  3. Would I like our meeting to be organized as a Monthly Meeting under the care of Baltimore Yearly Meeting?

Threshing Session on the Quaker Peace Testimony

On 3/3/2002, the Peace and Social Justice Committee sponsored a threshing session on the Quaker Peace Testimony.  A summary report was made to the business meeting on 4/28/2002 and was to be sent to York Friends Meeting and Baltimore Yearly Meeting.  A synopsis of comments shared was also prepared. Continue reading Threshing Session on the Quaker Peace Testimony